Day 3: Hmm... A Slow Start

Well, its not going too good so far. I feel liberated in the sense that I can gain weight now and that's okay, like I'm ready to allow myself and even excited about it! But I was 137 lbs again this morning (but what do I expect?) and since I was out on a boat ride (and I'm vegan) there wasn't anything good for me to eat, so I didn't eat very much. I am, however, going to go grocery shopping and pick up india food for dinner and eat till I can't eat anymore.



Chana Masala anyone? It's nice and high in calories and fat too. I think there's lots of oil in it. =)

I've also felt weird about doing this. Especially about making the journal. I feel bad like I can't share this stuff with other people already in my life, especially my girlfriend who I love very much. Plus, I saw my flat stomach in the mirror and remembered her complimenting me the night before. She really does love it, and I have to admit her being attracted to me does matter to me very much. Soooo I guess second thoughts are normal, but I keep telling myself, its only 20 lbs. It's not going to be a big deal AND this is something I want for MYSELF. So I'm going to force myself to proceed despite these hesitations I feel.

Sooo hopefully things will go better the next few days.