I was 158 this morning... so 21 lbs up.
I dunno.. I have to admit I'm feeling really apprehensive about gaining more right now. Sometimes I feel embarrassed when my belly is sticking out or feel like people are staring at me funny or something. It's probably all in my head, I know, but I've been feeling kinda scared about gaining more.
Even still I'm committed to 170. I haven't come this far to just stop now, but my gaining has definately slowed down and I might just go ahead and wait a few days and see how I feel before I try to pack on more pounds.
it's weird cause some days I love it so much and can't wait to gain more, and other days I feel scared or even feel an urgency to lose some weight. So strange. I guess years of being brainwashed into believing "skinny is pretty, fat is ugly" catches up to me sometimes.. either that or I just start caring what other people think of me too much.
And I guess despite feeling this way, I did still eat a big big lunch today. So who knows, I might be gaining more anyways.
Do any other gainers know what I mean wit this?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I definitely feel apprehensive sometimes. A couple of weeks ago I even went on a diet. That seemed to cure it pretty quick! :)
I've hit a few of these recently -they usually happen when I don't "look right" in the mirror. I guess I'm not used to seeing rounded cheeks looking back at me, and I'm having a harder time "sucking it in" as of late. It's definitely scary - it goes against EVERYTHING that society tells us to do, and some people will never get past their hangups about weight.
Just keep in mind that via this blog, your confidence, and your shared thoughts - you're inspiring a whole bunch of folks to be true to themselves. Even on your worst "what am I doing?" days - remember that you've got a honey who thinks you're hot and a bunch of fans who think you're cool. : )
Totally - I sometimes wonder what I'm doing! But it just feels too good to stop. Sometimes I am thrilled when people look at my belly, sometimes ashamed, but the bigger I get the better I feel
thanks mercury419 =) I mean, i dunno that i'm inspiring people, but i'm glad to have you guys with me on this journey.. it helps A LOT. =) sooo thanks!
Post a Comment